My administrator always gives me a topic they want me to blog about for the week. Sometimes the topics aren’t quite colorful enough. But, finally, a topic that I could blog about until my little fingers go numb…The Annoying Driver.

Just this morning, I was driving home from jail (that’s another story…I’ll tell you about it later) and I got stuck behind Senor Slow doing about 45mph in the left lane of the freeway. I was in a big hurry to get home and wash the jail off of me (just kidding here…did you really think I went to jail??). Dude, the left lane’s for passing only. Yes, I know they only have signs posted on Interstates, but any high speed roadway, the left lane is only for passing other cars. And, I noticed that I wasn’t the only impatient driver on the road. Some people were passing him on the right, honking at him while flipping him off. In other words, they were multi-tasking. Today, I discovered that’s what the sunroof is for…flipping people off. And, if you can drive with your knees, you can flip someone off with both hands. Which gave me an idea. I’m going to buy a foam finger, cut the finger off and glue it to the middle and just wave it out the sunroof while I’m driving down the freeway. “I’m number one! Eat my dust!!”

Then, like everyone else, I too have a bit of trouble with rush hour traffic in this big city. I was letting someone merge onto the freeway from the entrance ramp. And the guy behind me honked at me as if to say “Don’t let him in.” Dude, just take a pill (they should put Prozac in the water system here). Although the ramp yields to the freeway traffic, it doesn’t hurt to let one car, per car enter the freeway off the ramp when traffic is at a stand still. They used to call it the “zipper.” I do realize that some people think they’re doing their good deed for the day and let half a dozen cars merge in at one time. Thinking they’re being a good samaritan. While the guy behind them is counting how many bullets he needs to put in the chamber of his gun. Yes, because everyone in Texas has a gun. When I moved here, everyone had gun racks in the back window of their truck on display. Then I moved to Napa Valley, where everyone had a wine rack in the back window of their vehicle.

There are a lot of annoying drivers out there. Tailgaters, road ragers, drivers with no common sense, nor common courtesy. Don’t you be labeled the annoying driver. Pay attention to your surroundings. Let people merge when they need to. And keep on taking your Prozac.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Idea Mogul

The Annoying Driver – Comedy Defensive Driving