Well, I guess I was wrong about marijuana being safer than alcohol when driving under the influence. I had assumed that after legalizing it in Colorado, there would be a lot less speeders and more slow drivers. I had also assumed that instead of people naming their kids hippie names like Sage and Sky, the name Mary Jane would make a big resurgence (quoting Stanley Rose of Colorado Springs). And only now am I beginning to appreciate the true meaning of the John Denver song, Rocky Mountain High.

In fact, fatal car crashes involving marijuana use have tripled. Drugged driving accounted for more than 28 percent of traffic deaths in 2010, which is 16 percent more than it was in 1999. And the researchers found that marijuana was the main drug involved in the increase. It contributed to 12 percent of the fatal crashes, compared to only 4 percent in 1999. A study conducted at Dalhousie University in Canada concluded that “cannabis impairs performance of the cognitive and motor tasks necessary for safe driving, increasing the risk of collision.” Currently, there is not a test for marijuana that is as accurate as the Breathalyzer is for alcohol. Surely, a test is in the works and will be available for lawful use soon.

So, what to do? It is against the law to drink and drive, so perhaps we should follow that same rule while under the influence of pot. That’s what the transit system is for, anyway. It’s for people who don’t or can’t drive. Taking a cab to run errands, as opposed to spending years in prison for manslaughter sounds like a much better option. You can also do what is called a Mile High Tour, where you are whisked away with 9 other people in a limo to a dispensary, then out to a nice dinner and back to your car. It includes munchies, eye drops and paraphernalia (the name Paraphernalia also sounds like a choice name for your offspring).

Speaking of offspring, when comparing alcohol with marijuana use, more babies are said to have been conceived under the influence of alcohol. While less babies are conceived when under the influence of pot (lower sperm count). Less Twinkies are consumed while under the influence of alcohol, while it is said that one human being who is under the influence of pot can eat 3 boxes of Twinkies in under 20 minutes.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Artist / Benevolent Thesbo

Driving Under The Influence – Comedy Defensive Driving