Needless “monster” vehicles, we see them all the time cluttering our freeways and taking-up two parking spaces. The Hummer is a prime example, this vehicle was used in the Persian Gulf War to take on the battle fields and help transport troops to destroy the enemy and somehow “The Gods of Pop Culture” also decided it would be great to transport kids to soccer practice and mom to Pilate’s class. Of course GM sold the modified civilian version of the Hum-Vee, I mean come on, would you really want a bunch of pus#@-yuppies feeling that empowered on the roadways?!?!

If you drive a Hummer you should be ashamed, you douche bag! What do you really need all that vehicle for anyway? Are you afraid that Neiman Marcus might go out of business and you needing some muscle to power your way through the parking lot of their “final days” sale? Or are you getting prepared for the apocalypse? The demographic that amuses me the most is the W.A.S.P. family driving the Hummer, living in a gated-community far away from minorities in the lush suburbs of American cities, now that’s a reality show!

Let’s not forget the 4×4 raised pick-up truck, this has “DUMBA…S” written all over it! I’m not talking about farm/work trucks that some people need to make a living, I’m talking about the “wife beater” who drives the pickup truck that you need a ladder to climb into. This is the kind of truck you need if you don’t like going to fast food drive-thru windows (I don’t blame you, they f#@k up your order anyway.)

And my favorite, the long-pimpmobile! A gas guzzling boat of a car with a DVD screen playing porn and blasting gangsta rap at the red light so we can all hear about a guy slapping his bitch. Have we really gotten that stupid with our vehicles? What happen to practicality? Whenever I see someone driving a Hybrid, “sensible” SUV or compact car, I think there is a person with common sense and when I see a person driving a small KIA, I think there is a person who cares about the environment or they have bad credit.

Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton