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This is a warning to all holiday travelers who will be on the roads this Christmas Eve, there is a phenomenon known as “reindeer strikes.”This is when motor vehicles are stuck by reindeer dung from 500 to 1000 feet.This is a real and dangerous concern for all motorists, imagine you have a 2 to 5 pound reindeer “number two” falling at a 120 miles per hour and if you multiply the mass times the velocity, the momentum would be like a 600 pound turd-torpedo coming through your windshield!There are approximately over 300 incidents in North America every year, some theorist suspect there are more but because of government cover ups, it’s hard to say exactly how many reindeer strikes there really are.

In my investigation, I uncovered a letter from Lieutenant General James Garner of the U.S. Air Force (no relation to the actor) to the North Pole Aviation Administration who is in charge of all flights by St. Nickolas and his reindeer team in and out of the Arctic region.The letter stated that the U.S. government and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration were concern about reindeer crap causing so many accidents and made some suggestions to help the problem.The letter was responded by an uncharacteristic photo of an old fat guy’s ass sitting on a copy machine.

According to international law, no government, not even the United Nations has jurisdiction over the North Pole.So it all boils down to the fact that “we” are going to have to be on the defense from reindeer strikes and while you’re at it, be on the lookout for drunk drivers, Christmas carolers and don’t let Grandma get run over by a reindeer!(Damn, I hate that song!!!)

I hope you and your family have a safe and fun holiday season and a better 2011!!!!!!

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton