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Fuel Shortage

When Hurricane Harvey was about to hit (and boy did it hit like a prize-fighter), newscasters were warning folks to get fuel now because there will be a fuel shortage due to Texas refineries shutting down. Of course, Texas is the energy capital of the country. They shut down as a precaution before the hurricane made landfall. And then, due to widespread flooding, more inland refineries stopped operations. As a result, more than a fifth of the nation’s refining capacity, including two of the country’s largest oil refineries was out of commission as oil companies battled flooding. So, in a panic, drivers were lined-up at gas stations, hoping to get a full tank (and filling gas cans) before the shortage. People were hoarding fuel and preparing for Armageddon. The following day, the news was reporting that people should NOT hoard fuel, as it is causing a fuel shortage…duh! Make up your MIND!

If this should happen in the future, perhaps it is best to know how to “conserve” fuel, rather than hoarding it. Here a few tips that may help…

• Check your tire pressure often (great time to check for nails and/or an ex-girlfriend’s nail file jammed in the grooves).
• Avoid idling (fact: bank robbers may be causing a fuel crisis)
• Keep your engine tuned regularly (keep it purring like a kitten…kittens eat less than a full grown cat)
• Check for extra junk in the trunk (d.i.v.o.r.c.e.)
• Be certain to use your manufacturer’s recommended grade of oil
• Keep it close to the speed limit on the highway. It will also save you from a ticket from Johnny Law.
• Try to coast to a stop. This will surely honk other people off (check…and double check).
• Avoid slowly crawling up to a speed. 15 seconds to accelerate to 50 mph uses less fuel than taking 30 seconds to reach the same speed (this will also save you from a stray bullet from the guy in the diesel truck behind you).
• Close the car windows and run the A/C. Conserving on A/C does not really help, especially at high speeds. Be comfortable on your journey…you cheapskate!

Some refer to these driving techniques as hypermiling. Most of these techniques improve your car’s fuel efficiency by reducing the demands placed on the engine. So, it’s possible to improve fuel economy by 37% just by changing the way your drive. But, there are also some hypermiling methods that are controversial and could pose an element of danger…such as riding in a big rig’s draft. Not cool, dude…your Honda Accord could become a Honda accordion!

Until next week… Cool it on the fuel.

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Fuel Shortage

Daun Thompson: Daun Thompson has spent years acting in both film and theatre which has been paramount in launching her onto the comedy stage (incidentally, without a helmet, resulting in a nasty concussion). Being a funny girl is a full time job. A job that she hopes that one day will come with dental benefits and a 401K. Unlike her work, she is biodegradable, yet flame retardant. And gentle to the touch. Her goal in life??? For strangers to approach her and ask "Didn't you used to be somebody?" In the late 1980's she cut her teeth at the Velveeta Room on 6th Street in Austin, Texas ... the original room with the stripper pole. From there, she moved to northern California and worked with many comedy icons, like Mitch Hedberg, Marc Maron, Colin Quinn, Vic Dunlop, Huck Flyn, Michael Mancini, Doug Ferrari, Shang and Brian Posehn. Daun has been a licensed driver safety instructor and trainer with Comedy Defensive Driving for over 9 years. Her knowledge of driving safety laws keeps her readers informed and engaged with her blog adventures. She still continues to do stand-up comedy, sometimes in a reclining position...just to be different.