“Oh the luck of the Irish – Weee me pot-of-gold – U2 is my favorite band – the reason why God invented whiskey, so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world.”(old bar joke)

St. Patrick’s Day is this Thursday and I’m already looking forward to the green beer, St.Pat’s parades, the green panties my cougar promised to wear (and I promise I won’t wear them…again…this year!) and all the festivities that goes along with eventually puking up that green beer later that night when my bed will surely be transformed into the “wheel…of….fortune!!!”(the spinning effect you get when your head first hits the pillow!)

And the only thing worse that a drunken, mad, creepy Leprechaun, is a drunk driver ruining people’s holiday and possibly their lives!Come on, everybody knows drinking and driving is dangerous and you can kill someone, so why do we still have a-holes who still think they can drive after having several drinks????!!!!!

Here’s the plan and it’s so simple even a drunken Irish person could figure it out!Have a designated driver, how much can a person have to drink and still be the D.D.?…..NONE, you kung-fu-king stupid hooligan!!!!!!!Plan to spend the night over at the party, that way it gives you an excuse to be a hoer.(by the way, I’m available for children’s  birthday parties)Call a taxi and take up the keys before they start drinking!!!

Have fun this St. Patrick’s Day but just be safe when you are partying, that’s all I’m saying!I hope you have a safe and fun time this Thursday and please, PLEASE, don’t drink and drive because it just wouldn’t be the same without you!

Join me again next week and until then….

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

Stand up comedian and writer