I was listening to a talk radio station in my car. Apparently, a study has been conducted regarding animals that mate for life. I was a bit surprised that this particular study is being funded, while a much more important study, why people don’t mate for life, is still left unsolved. Bitter… party of one. Animals that mate for life include wolves, beavers and squirrels. So, the next time you hit a squirrel with your car, there’s likely another squirrel somewhere, saying “He should have been here an hour ago. Mangy rat! See who stores his nuts next winter…not me!” My daughter, who is only 17, said perhaps squirrels mate for life because they don’t live very long. I think that’s an excellent theory. Because squirrels do appear to be suicidal (perhaps that is also connected to being in a life-long relationship).

Squirrels always make it across the street, to the other side where it is safe. Then they see a car coming and run back across the street like they forgot their wallet or something. You can almost anticipate what a squirrel will do. And you don’t want to slam on the brakes and be rear-ended by the person behind you. Or swerve to avoid the animal and take out a row of parked cars. So, what should you do when an animal is in the road, hit or miss? It all depends on the size of the animal, the location and the reward for the animal (just kidding about the reward).

If it’s a large animal, like a deer, a horse or a cow, you don’t want to hit it head-on and have it come through the windshield and injure you. It could even possibly kill you. Or, at the very least, you may find that deer sitting on your lap while you’re going through a camera light. That video would be on You Tube forever, wouldn’t it? Another thing you don’t want to do is to swerve and possibly lose control of your car. So, if you have very little reaction time, the best thing to do in a hit or miss situation would be to sideswipe a large animal, according to the department of parks and wildlife. Either way, whether you hit that animal head-on or if you sideswipe it, that animal is not likely going to survive. But at least both you and the animal wouldn’t have to die. Human life is more precious that animal life. Most people feel that way. Unless you’re the vegetarian type that loves animals and would never eat one…but hates people and would eat one if you had the opportunity.
And, put it this way, if you had children in the car, you would have to take fluffy out. Fluffy would have to take one for the team. Afterward, don’t forget to contact the local authorities so they can contact the parks and wildlife department to collect and process that unfortunate soul-mate and donate it a needy animal shelter.

Until next week…keep your black cats indoors. Halloween is in two weeks and they’re hard to see at night.

Daun Thompson
Artist / Comedienne / Benevolent Thesbo