I was at the red light waiting to make a left turn, the light turns green and 1 second later the minivan behind me lays on their horn! WTH?! I was releasing my foot off the clutch and moving forward just as the asswipe behind me starts honking and what made matters worse, he’s in a minivan! If I had a minivan I wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself!

So in an attempt to piss off my roadway foe evening more, I did what my girlfriend calls “passive-aggressive” behavior, I stopped in the middle of the intersection and waited for the light to turn yellow. It wasn’t enough to keep him from continuing through the intersection but enough I’m sure to make him even angrier! So there…I won, or did I?

I’m going to tell you 3 simple methods that will prevent 90% of the road rage you could be involved in. The other 10 percent, well just like that ass-clown that was honking his horn, you can’t get by all of them. That’s what guns are for.

1. Always use your blinkers before you turn or change lanes. Now I understand sometimes you don’t want to waste that blinker fluid that is so expensive! (Sarcasm: there is no such thing as blinker fluid) The law in most states require you to turn on your signal at LEAST 100 feet before you turn or change lanes. And if you can guess the distance of 100 feet as you are traveling, all the more power to you!

2. Don’t tailgate! If you are a tailgater you are asking for trouble mister or madam, damn it!! Always keep a good following distance between you and the car ahead. 2 to 3 seconds in good weather.

3. Stay out of the left lane on the highway or freeway, unless you are passing another vehicle. This in itself is a major cause of road rage and it should be! Some people think, “Well I’m going the speed limit, they can go around!” NO, you self-righteous sack-of-sh#%!!! The left lane is for passing only! Even if you are already speeding, if someone wants to go faster, let them!

Making these three things part of your driving habits can reduce your chances of being in a road rage situation. As for that incident at the intersection, I wasn’t the winner. As a matter of fact, I was the asshole for letting myself descend to his level. Maybe I could have gotten out of my Jeep and punched his lights out (and hoped he didn’t have a gun) but then what would that prove? Besides the person driving that minivan was a woman.

Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton