The high cost of traffic tickets has inspired me to blog about it.When I was a teenager, the maximum cost of a speeding ticket was about $50.And that was for manslaughter.You just can’t afford to kill anyone now.It’s the economy…not fair!Now, I see speeding tickets anywhere between $180 and $400!And that’s for a petty speed over the limit.If it were high enough over the limit, putting people’s lives in danger, who knows what the fines and jail time would be??Also, way back in the day, the ticket was a 3” x 6” piece of paper.Now most tickets look like a WalMart receipt. More paper to choke up the landfill…don’t even get me started. I bet when the ticket is printing out, the criminal’s heart is beating like mad… thinking “I hope to God that’s not my driving record!?”I use the term criminal, because that’s how they treat you.Once the ticket is processed back at the shop, they send you a letter in the mail entitled “Daun Thompson v.s. The State of Texas.”Not that I’ve gotten one. I’ve just seen them.In fact, I haven’t gotten a ticket in many years (knock on wood).And, I’ve found that you don’t want to go bragging about stuff like that. Because, if you do, the Karma Monkey will trip you up…and then you’ll get 3 tickets in a row (yes, 3 in a row…just like celebrity deaths).Weird, huh?

Here are a few of the fines I have come across lately. Loud Music?$144.00.Really bad loud music??Should be prison time, don’t you think? No Mud Flaps On Your Dually?$350.00.Just buy the freakin’ mud flaps…it’s cheaper…besides, you need that money for gas!Not Wearing Your Seat Belt?Between $100.00 and $250.00.It’s a $500 fine in Australia… but getting a kangaroo drunk is only $250…a bargain!Not Signaling? $177.00.Not signaling to a cop?The same, with an additional $177.00 fine for cutting off said cop who writes the ticket as an Unsafe Lane Change.One Mile Over the Speed Limit in a School Zone?$266.00.Ask any school teacher…and they’ll confirm it… they’ve all gotten one. Eleven Miles Over in a School Zone?$300.00.Again, ask any teacher. And while you’re at it, ask them how much the cell phone fine was in the school zone.

Until next week…drive safely…save money (you’ll need it to pay for the fuel for your private jet).

Doing property damage to city or state property is also very costly. The cost to replace a city/state light pole is between $700.00 and $1,000.00.To replace a stop sign is over $100.Taking out an overhead, hanging light in an intersection is the most costly.But, the only way you could take one of those out is with your private plane.So, you can certainly afford it.

Some of the fines I’m waiting to see??TWI (Texting While Intoxicated).DWS(Driving While Sexting).SWHOV(Sexting While in the H.O.V…because, remember…what happens in the HOV, stays in the HOV).

Daun Thompson

(Daun Thompson is a writer, comedienne and artist residing in Dallas, Texas)