Picking a good designated driver is easier than it seems. A designated driver is not the one who’s had the least amount of alcohol in your group of friends. It’s the person who does NOT drink for that night!
Once upon a Friday night, in a land far, far away in Garland, Texas, my girlfriend and I went bowling. It sounded like a good idea, plus I like bowling alleys because they look like they haven’t updated their décor since 1976. But most of all bowling alleys remind me of the many cinema classics such as Kingpin and of course The Big Lebowski, “Dude!” So my maiden and I set off on our journey to the Bowlarama. After twenty frames, I decided to drink some merry spirits at the establishment’s tavern. In other words, I got shit faced in a bowling alley bar. This my friends, is the lowest form of drinking! When you have resorted to drinking in a bowling alley bar, you need to take a good hard look at your drinking habits. This place had the stench of loneliness and faded dreams in the smoky air. And there was nobody else in this place. All the smoke was coming from the bartender named Charlene, I saw her bowling pin name badge. After many Jack-n-Cokes, I noticed Charlene started to look sexy. Who cares if she only had one tooth, it looked like she brushed it and took good care of her tooth. But, I couldn’t make a move on the Hunchback of Bowlarama, I was there with my fair lady, damn her and her 32 teeth! With all I had to drink, there was no way I could operate a motor vehicle. What was I to do? Fortunate for me, my girlfriend wasn’t drinking alcohol! She was drinking cranberry juice because she had a bladder infection. So she took me home, but wasn’t getting any because she said it “burned down there”…
Designated drivers save lives, be a D.D. and pat yourself on the back for being a good person. Join me again next week and until then…
Take care and be safe-