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Friendly Alternatives to Road Rage

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Are you the type of person who doesn’t like to follow the crowd? Do you walk to the beat of a different drummer? Do you dare to be different? I’ll tell you what will set you apart from the rest of us monkeys…just don’t road rage. Nearly everyone does it, so it’s one thing that most of us do have in common. A topic in conversation that nearly everyone at the dinner party can relate to. Some studies say that road rage has become something that people almost “boast” about. Road rage gets more media hype than Britney Spears. And the truth of the matter? Since when did not being able to control your temper in public become socially acceptable? If you really want to be a novelty out there…have some road manners. You’ll be in an exclusive club. Here’s some simple solutions and friendly alternatives to road rage.
Someone’s tailgating you? Following too close for your liking? Well, you don’t want to give Mister Close a brake check. That’ll really honk him off. And, even though you’re dying to, don’t lock ‘em up either…don’t slam on your brakes so he rear-ends you. “I hope he kills me…then he’s really going to feel like a jerk.” Where’s the logic in that, you passive-aggressive monkey? Here’s a swell idea. Turn on your hazard lights if they’re following too close. They’ll think you’re going to slow way down or stop completely…perhaps your car is breaking down. Hopefully they’ll just go around you.
Want to get over? Change lanes…? (that’s what the kids are calling it). If you put on your turn signal, we all know that’s a guarantee that no one will let you over. They’ll see you. But they’ll pretend they don’t. They just won’t make eye contact with you. It’s just like walking down the sidewalk in New York City. No eye contact. And you have to signal before changing lanes or you’ll get a ticket for that. So, what to do? Signal and then put your arm out the window and give a friendly wave for someone to let you in. Perhaps it’s more personable to see part of your humanness (new word? You’ll see it in Wikipedia, I bet) hanging out the window. Hell, you don’t need that arm anyway. You’ve got another one just like it. And when you hang the arm out…look right at them. Like a sad puppy with large, moist eyes. Being pathetic may not get the babes, but it’ll get you over a lane or two. I guarantee it. Still single? You bet! So, arm out the window…not out the sunroof…remember, that’s reserved for the finger. And for God’s sake. After they do let you over, don’t forget to wave thanks at them. People get all mad if you don’t acknowledge that they did you a big solid there by letting you in. And through a tinted window, they don’t know if you waved at them with one finger or all five of them…so, you just won.
And, if someone else wants to get over in your lane? Just let ‘em over. Maybe if you start being courteous and letting people over, karmatically, maybe other people will do it for you. And just let one or two people in. Not half a dozen. Don’t over-do it. Some people think they’re being good samaritans and will let half a dozen people over at one time. While the guy behind him is counting how many bullets he needs to load into the chamber of his gun. Not cool. Over-helping sometimes creates more problems.
Here’s the thing. If you want to live longer, relax. Let it go. If not, you’ll have a heart attack in your prime. Buy a Yanni CD to mellow your butt out in traffic. And, if you live in California, smoke some pot (for medicinal purposes only, of course). Chill out. If you live in Texas, get your A/C fixed. Hot and sweaty makes people edgy. And, it’s not a good look.
Bottom line? Just don’t give other people the power to change your good mood.
You can use these suggestions…or not. I don’t really care if you don’t. But don’t tell me about it or I’ll get in my car and hunt you down. Hunt you down like the dog that you are. And I’ll flip you off while you’re waiting in that 45 minute long drive-thru line at the In-N-Out Burger. And you won’t chase me because you won’t want to lose your place in line. So, there. I just won.

Have a great day …and BE NICE!

Daun Thompson
(Daun is a comedienne, writer and artist who resides in the sweltering city of Dallas, Texas)

You are going to get spanked, twice.

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“The Driver Responsibility law is governed by Texas Transportation Code, Chapter 708, which established a system to assess surcharges based on certain traffic offenses that have occurred on or after September 1, 2003. A surcharge is an administrative fee charged to a driver based on the convictions reported to the driving record. There are two criteria that determine if a surcharge will be assessed. Those two criteria are: Point System and Conviction Based surcharges.”

AKA the Point System, this is the law that allows the state of Texas to generate more revenue by charging its licensed drivers a surcharge annually for 3 years on top of the fines the driver has ALREADY paid to the courts. In other words, this is state government saying “We’re going to bend you over and stick it to you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!”

Let’s say you get a ticket for no insurance in the city of Arlington, Texas. The fine for that “no-no” is $416, this includes court cost and a portion going to the new Cowboys Stadium (just kidding, this is NOT true, I hope.) After you have paid the fine, the Lone Star state will also sock you a surcharge of $250 a year, for 3 years. I’m all for the state enforcing laws that require all drivers to have at least liability insurance and cracking down on drunk drivers but to be punished twice for the same “crime?” This is like when you were a kid and your big brother kicked your ass, then your parents found out you were fighting and they kicked your ass again when you got home!!  Our state government has taken advantage of us and no one is doing anything or saying about it!

LET YOUR STATE LAW MAKERS KNOW YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! Our founding fathers of this great nation enacted the Constitution in-part, to protect us from greedy government and shady politicians.

Join me again next week and until then….

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

(Comedy Defensive Driving School is not responsible for Danny Keaton’s articles.)

Driver Pet Peeves

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As a defensive driving instructor, I hear all kinds of driver pet peeves.  One of the biggest pet peeves has to be tailgating.  But when you have a room full of speed demons and traffic outlaws, what do you think is the number one driving-nuisance?  Oh course, “slow drivers” or the “really slow drivers” under the influence of marijuana!  My students think driving 10 over the speed limit on the freeway is too slow and after every class, I make sure they all get a 10 minute head start out of the parking lot.


Tailgating is a major annoyance to me and I’m sure to you too.  If I’m in the left lane and I see someone coming up behind me, I move over.  Don’t wait until that other driver is on your bumper, move over in time!  If someone is tailgating, don’t do a break check and hope they are covered financially by that funny little gecko.  Simple turn on your blinker to let them know you see them and that you are moving over.


Our world of driving in the U.S. will never be perfect, but all of us have a personal responsibility to help make it a little easier.  What’s your driving pet peeve?  Let me know and I’ll talk to you next week.


Take Care-

Danny Keaton     

Happy Holiday Rush

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As we start our once a year ritual of the holiday season, oh wait a minute, it actually started over a month ago according to the commercials on tv and that holiday music I heard on the radio.  

The holidays are a time for getting together with friends and family and hopfully a time for remembering our blessings.  But we all know how stressful the holidays can be and how we can take that out on the other drivers on the road with us.  Not only do we still have the everyday responsibilities of going to work, picking up kids from school and making appointments, but now throw in holiday shopping, going from one mall to another then to Wal-Mart, going to grandma’s house for dinner and hoping that “Drunk Uncle Ned’ doesn’t show up.  It’s enough to spark road rage with one honk of the horn or being cut-off on the freeway!

When you are on the road please be kind to your fellow drivers.  If the traffic is backed up let someone else in and if someone lets you in, give them a friendly “thank you” wave, with all five fingers!  Give yourself plenty of time for your shopping, try not to be in a rush, I know, easier said than done.  Let’s make this the best holiday season ever with no road rage!!  Together we can make it happen.  See you next week.

Happy Thanksgiving!!-

Danny Keaton