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The Proper Way To Tailgate – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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The Proper Way To Tailgate

Tailgate parties are upon us, which means football season is here and that means there is only one proper way to tailgate. Nothing against football, and don’t be mad at me, but I’m just not that into football. I grew up in a house full of women. My dad spent most of his time at work (a.k.a. the pub) where he could hang out with other guys and watch sports. He was hardly ever home. While all of the other moms in our neighborhood would be threatening their kids “You just wait until your father gets home.” My mom would be threatening us “IF your father EVER comes home…whatever!” They were mostly empty threats, because when he did come home, “toasted” he’d give us money. Well, he didn’t really give us the money…he’d pass out and we’d take it out of his wallet. I called it my college fund. And, my dad was so proud of me when I graduated from college, he framed my diploma and hung it above the mantel. My sister dropped out of school, so, just to be fair, he framed her DWI Defensive Driving Certificate and hung it next to my diploma (crooked, because he drinks).

Although I am not an experience tailgater, I have done a little research on the proper way to tailgate. The Iowa State Food Safety website says you should always be careful what foods you pack and that you store them at the proper temperature to ensure they do not get contaminated or develop bacteria. Here are a few tips from their website:

Follow these simple steps to ensure food safety:

  • Buy reasonable quantities
  • If food won’t be served soon, store it in a cooler immediately
  • When you get home, properly wrap and freeze deli meats that won’t be eaten within two to four days
  • REMEMBER most food poisoning bacteria can NOT be seen, smelled, or tasted
  • Bacteria multiply fastest between temperatures of 40 and 140; it’s what we call the Danger Zone
  • If in doubt, throw it out! Keep hot foods HOT (above 140° F) and cold foods COLD (40° F or below)

The 21st Century Insurance company website offers these safety tips as well on the proper way to tailgate:

  • If you’re grilling, make sure to bring a fire extinguisher
  • After your tailgate is finished, throw away all food that may spoil. Leftovers may be tempting after the game, but they may also be dangerous
  • If you’re using a charcoal grill, make sure to cool the coals properly before putting them in a garbage container or back in your car (unless you want to use them as a discipline tool)
  • Make sure you can see properly and that there are no items in your way, such as bottles or cans before starting to drive
  • Secure your grill and other items in the back so nothing can fall out
  • If any guest have been drinking alcohol, make sure they don’t get behind the wheel

And, most of all, have fun. You won’t have another 3 day weekend until Columbus Day.

Until next week…Happy Labor Day!

Daun T
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

The Proper Way To Tailgate – Comedy Defensive Driving

Tie One On This Holiday Season

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I remember the holiday parties at our house when I was a kid.  Everyone was “tying one on” as my Dad would say.  The Urban Dictionary indicates that “to tie one on” means “to get drunk or start drinking before the hang over from last night has worn off. Thus having something to “tie onto”.  To tie one drinking session to another before the effects/consequences of the last have expired. Hmmm.  You know who else likes to tie one on??  MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers).  They started a Tying One on for Safety program in 1986, bringing more awareness to the problem of drinking and driving during the holidays. Red ribbons are placed in highly visible areas of vehicles, like the antenna, to remind everyone not to drink and drive. As more drivers place these red ribbons on their vehicles, this heightened attentiveness serves to curb the problem of drunk driving, especially during the holidays.  I noticed that the garbage truck had a big red ribbon tied on the front.  Same thing?  Probably not.  He was swerving, afterall.

Here are some helpful tips for safe holiday drinking. Remember, looks can be deceiving.  All three of these beverages pack the same punch. Whether you are having one ounce to one-and-a-half ounces of alcohol, like a shot of vodka in a mixed drink, or you’re having a 5 ounce glass of wine, or a 12 ounce beer, they all provide you with the same amount of alcohol.  Besides what you’re drinking, there are many other factors to figure in to the equation. Just a few of the other factors to figure in are your height, weight, physical condition, age, whether you are fatigued, whether you have food in your stomach, etc. And alcohol takes time to metabolize out of your system. Drinking coffee won’t speed up that time one bit.

Here’s what you can do to prevent yourself from getting in too deep!  Decide ahead of time how much you want to drink and stick to it. And plan ahead regarding your designated driver.

Another reason to watch what you drink – calories can add up. Maybe you can wear that same holiday dress next year!  At least if you wear the same outfit year after year, people will remember you!  And not just remember you as that girl who “Tied one on” .

Have a safe couple of holidays and we’ll catch up with you next week.

Daun Thompson

 

Sick Driving

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The holidays are here! Entire families will be getting together. My parents are preparing their 900 mile journey to my house for Thanksgiving. Now that my parents are both retired, their favorite topic of conversation is their funeral plans. So my sister and I already know what we’re in for. Last year, my Mother cornered me at the dinner table “Do you like that china? I’m leaving it to you when I’m gone.” That’s just awkward, isn’t it? I don’t know any other way to get her to stop, other than dishing it back at her. “I’m having a dinner party next weekend Mom, how are you feeling?”

While some of us prefer to fly due to time constraints…and time is money! Families like the Duggars will have no choice but to drive. And perhaps a bus…I mean with 19 kids (and counting)? Yikes! Or should I say “ouch”. Some people are down with the long distance trek. With the economy the way it is now, many people commute to work as if it’s a cross-country trip. And, on a daily basis. You may want to burn a candle for those people if you make it to holiday mass.

The holiday season get-togethers, rubbing elbows during travel and other close encounters will also spread the cheer of the cold and flu season. Be careful driving while sick. Cold medications can most certainly make you drowsy. And, in most states, you could be arrested for drowsy driving. In fact, it’s just as dangerous as drunk driving. Even over the counter cold medications such as DayQuil or NyQuil. You know, anything that actually comes with its own shotglass is a pretty good indication that it’s some potent stuff. By the way, I’ve created my own favorite holiday drink. I call it the Green Weenie. Ever heard of it? It’s NyQuil and hot dog water. By the way, mixing cold medications with your holiday cheer is even worse. Theraflu and Vodka? No! Although, some people swear that a snoot of whiskey helps to ease (or kill) the cold and flu virus. I bet they wish the guy at the liquor store would take their co-pay like the pharmacist does! Just remember to not drink and drive.

And that tissue box you have in the back window of the car may just come in handy afterall. Can’t reach it? Just slam on the brakes and hold out your hand. Voila’!  I’ll be back next week. Until then, practice responsible driving.

Daun Thompson

Don’t Drink & Die

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Happy Holidays and cheers to everyone! Now, I’m not anti-alcohol, as a matter of fact I love to have a couple of drinks….before I go to work and when I say work, I’m talking about when I’m performing at the comedy clubs!

But if you’re going to drink, you don’t have to drive! There are too many options, designated driver, taking keys away from a drunk (that’s always a fun time-so take up the keys before they start drinking), spend the night at wherever you are drinking, call a cab, call for a ride. Even AAA has a holiday program for safe rides. Or how about this one, drink at home…alone. Ok maybe not, that’s too depressing for the holidays. The point is, there are too many alternatives to drinking and driving. Over 17,000 people are killed in DUI related crashes every year in the U.S. Let’s make this holiday season the safest ever.

Write me with your comments and suggestions, I would love to hear them. Until next week, happy holidays and take care!

Danny Keaton