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An Introduction to One of the Idiotic Drivers You will Meet on the Road

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Here at the Comedy Defensive Driving school, we try to incorporate a little laughter into our lessons. This helps lighten the mood, and it makes it easier for students to absorb the information. After all, when something is funny, you pay attention. When it is boring, you quickly zone out and start counting down the minutes until you can finally leave! During your course, whether you take it online or in one of our classrooms, you are going to hear some hilarious stories of insane drivers, idiot drivers, distracted drivers, slow drivers, road ragers, and more.

Let’s take a closer look at one of these idiot drivers. You are probably familiar with this situation. You’re driving along the highway at night, and a car comes over the hill in front of you. His lights are bright and blinding. You flash your headlights as a gentle reminder to the offending driver. Yet, his bright lights stay on. You flash again, shielding your eyes with one hand to prevent permanent damage to your corneas. Nothing. This is a classic example of the “I have no business driving at night because I can’t see without my brights, so I will just leave them on, and other drivers be damned” driver.

So, what do you do in a situation like this? Well, what you DON’T do is get angry, slam on your brakes, flip a U-turn in the middle of the highway, chase the driver down, and beat him to a pulp. Nope, that would make you one of the road ragers you will learn about. The best thing to do is look away from the bright lights as best as you can. Focus your eyes a little lower than normal, such as on the line on the right side of the road. Your eyes will be tempted by the light — DO NOT go toward the light, because you won’t find Jesus on the other side.

Contact us today at Comedy Defensive Driving to learn more about how to handle strange, crazy, dangerous, and downright idiotic situations on the road.

3 Questions to Determine Your Level of Driving Common Sense

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Taking a course in defensive driving online is your best defense against the many, many things that can go wrong on the road. From the drunken drivers, to the drivers that simply have no common sense, Comedy Defensive Driving is here to help you successfully and safely navigate the highways. Speaking of drivers with no common sense, have you ever been accused of being one of these drivers? If so, you may need a crash course in basic driving skills, as well as defensive driving. Here are three questions to help you determine if you have the right amount of common sense to be on the road — or if you might be better off traveling on foot.

1. Do you find your foot hovering over the brake pedal and giving it a tap for no reason at all other than to make sure the brakes are working? If yes, you are guilty of too much brake tapping! This kind of situation can quickly lead to frustration and annoyance of the drivers behind you — which means they could put you in a risky situation trying to get around you.

2. Are you an overly nosy person? If yes, you are probably guilty of practically breaking your neck trying to get a look at the car pulled over by the highway patrol or the three-car wreck on the other side of the road. Gawking at things going on around you can quickly take you from gawker to gawkee as people strain their eyes trying to see the details of the accident YOU caused.

3. Does merging onto the interstate make your heart race? If yes, you are likely guilty of merging at extremely slow speeds. This is a good way to cause a massive pile-up behind you. Drivers speeding along at 70+ miles per hour won’t have time to stop as you pull your little turtle shell out onto the interstate.

If any of these questions hit home with you — and you have to answer honestly — then, you can use a few of our courses to give you the good sense you need to drive safely. Contact us today at Comedy Defensive Driving, and STOP being a hazard on the highway!

Learn How to Handle Idiot Drivers on the Road

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You already know that defensive driving techniques are our specialty. When you take one of our courses online or in the classroom, you are going to learn how to deal with tons of roadway situations — including coming across the inevitable “idiot” driver! You’re probably familiar with these drivers already — the ones that dart in and out of traffic with no regard for anyone else, the ones that risk life and limb passing you on a curve, only to slam on their brakes at the next intersection to make a left — that’s right, a LEFT turn!

“Idiot” drivers are everywhere. They drive as if they are the only cars on the road. Their thinking is different from the average driver. To the “idiot” driver, their mani/pedi appointment is the only thing that matters. To the “idiot” driver, reaching the jobsite on time is crucial — and the only reason they are late is because of YOU, not because they overslept. As far as “idiot” drivers are concerned, no one else knows how to drive.

Here at Comedy Defensive Driving, we will teach you how to handle the various idiotic situations you might come across. Like how to avoid an accident when an “idiot” tries to pass you with only six feet of dotted lines — or passes you on the right! Whether it’s swerving, passing, braking, speeding, or traveling at a turtle’s pace in the fast lane, we will make sure you have the knowledge and skills you need to keep your cool and stay safe!

Contact us today at Comedy Defensive Driving, and let us help you keep the “idiots” at bay!

Learn How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Distracted Driving

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If taking a Florida traffic school online sounds like something you might be interested in, you have come to the right place. Comedy Defensive Driving is THE place to go to learn all you need to know about driving. And the best part is: we do it with humor, to ensure that you have a good time while you are learning.

You can expect to learn about a lot of different things, including distracted driving. On a serious note, distracted driving is very dangerous — it puts your life at risk, as well as the lives of others on the road. On a lighter note, we are all guilty of distracted driving at some point — we just got lucky and didn’t cause a ten-car pileup in the middle of rush hour! Be honest. At some point, you’ve been fiddling with the radio, messing with your hair, reaching for your drink, answering your phone, scarfing a sandwich, or doing something else that takes your attention away from the road. Heck, maybe you even did all of the above at the same time, in which case, you have NO business on the road!

Distracted driving is easy to do, but it can be a hard habit to break. Comedy Defensive Driving will help you break the cycle that makes you a distracted driver. We will also make sure you know how to watch out for those drivers; you know, the ones that put their makeup on, shave their beard, dye their hair, write letters, compose music, and pick their noses — all while driving 65 mph down the interstate! Talk about dangerous!

Contact us today to learn how to deal with those drivers, and make sure you don’t become one.

Be a Better Driver from Home

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Realizing that you may need some traffic school can happen at any time. Perhaps you rear-ended someone because you were too busy looking at the scenery. Maybe you drove into a ditch while you tried to read a text message. Maybe you froze up in traffic and drove 10 mph. Whatever the reason may be, if you need traffic school, we are here to help. Our Florida online traffic school makes it easy for you to gain the knowledge you need, without cutting into your lifestyle too much.

Comedy Defensive Driving has instructors that specialize in two things: teaching you how to drive defensively, and humor. When we combine the two, you are guaranteed sessions that keep you in stitches — while learning how to avoid getting stitches from accidents. Our online setting means that you can learn how to be a better driver from the comfort of home — so, go ahead and sit in your underwear and stuff your face with a sandwich. We can still teach you!

We offer a wide range of topics when you enroll in one of our courses. From the basics, to the finer skills of defensive driving, you will learn how to maintain your cool on the road, follow traffic laws, drive your car in a safe manner, and still enjoy your time on the road. Driving doesn’t have to be boring; in fact, it shouldn’t be boring, because you should always be alert on the road. Learning how to be a better driver doesn’t have to be boring, either, which is where we come into the picture.

Contact us today at Comedy Defensive Driving to learn more about our online courses, and let us help you be a great driver with fabulous skills!

Consequences of Drinking and Driving – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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The rumor spread across the internet (or the innerweb, as my dad calls it) was apparently a hoax. Yes, it is only an urban legend that the drinking age, nationwide, in America is going to be raised to 25. Some say it’s not a bad idea and that, at the age of 21, a person is still not mature enough to handle the responsibility and consequences of drinking and driving. Minimum drinking ages in the U.S. are established on a state-by-state basis, not mandated across the nation by federal law, though if your state doesn’t have a minimum age limit of 21 the federal government will not allocate highway funds to that state… subsequently every state now has a minimum drinking age of 21.

It would be interesting, though, to see how it would play out. When I moved to Texas in 1979, the drinking age had been changed from 21 to 18. Eventually, it went up to 19 and stayed at that age for a short time and then went back up to 21. Somewhere in between, I’m sure the age was 8. Or, maybe that was in Mexico. I hear the drinking age there has gone up to 12. Just kidding, I know it’s 18. Also back in ’79, everyone in the car could have an open container, even the driver. I thought you’d get a ticket if you didn’t drink and drive. We’ve certainly evolved over the last 30 something years. So, when hearing this rumor, my first thought was that it’s all in the evolution process.

The consequences of underage drinking and driving will result in a DUI. This includes harsh fines, drivers license suspension and possibly adding an expensive car breathalyzer device. The driver will most likely have to attend drug/alcohol and driver’s education classes as well as to complete a month or more of community service. Another penalty is possible probation for up to four years.

Oh, and a surcharge for three years. That comes in the form of a bill which you will receive in the mail. So now everyone knows about your big mistake. Even your mailman, so don’t be surprised if he offers to be your AA sponsor.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Consequences of Drinking and Driving – Comedy Defensive Driving

Blowing Out A Tire – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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Blowing out a tire has been, by far, the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me in my many years of driving. I suppose I should feel lucky that it was a rear tire that blew out, rather than a front tire. I have heard that blowing out a front tire can really jerk the wheel and is much more dangerous. When the tire blew, it sounded exactly like a shotgun. And it scared the crap out of me. Unfortunately, when you blow a tire, you are usually on a freeway, driving at a high speed. And, from my experience, it’s just more unfortunate luck that it’s at night and you’re by yourself. And every serial killer comes out of the woodwork to help you change that tire. I called roadside assistance, locked all of my doors and rolled up my windows. But I left my driver side window rolled down just a smidgeon, so I could communicate with someone when they approached the car. But, not enough that they could reach inside my window and throttle me. A few good Samaritans did stop to rend assistance. And I felt like a jerk, talking to them through the slightly cracked window “Thanks for stopping to help, but I’ve already called roadside assistance.” What I really wanted to say is “Didn’t I see you on Craigslist?”

It only took roadside assistance 25 minutes to arrive. But, at night, in girl years, 25 minutes is an eternity. In Texas, there is an 800 number on the back of your driver license that you can call for roadside assistance and emergencies. And, the best thing is, it’s free. It’s offered to anyone who has blown out a tire or run out of gas on Texas highways. But you actually have to be on the highway to use it. You cannot be on a ramp or access road.

The other frightening thing about being broken down on the side of a freeway was that every time a large truck would pass by, my car would shimmy. And that was also a frightening feeling. I remembered hearing that, if you break down on either shoulder, you shouldn’t put your hazard lights on. But, rather, you should put your signal light on. As if you were going to re-enter the freeway. Passersby may see that you have your signal light on and will be concerned that you may be re-entering into their lane, and may move over into the next lane when passing. In using the signal, there were significantly less vehicles passing right next to me at a high speed. That was a great tip that I am so glad I remembered. And you can pass that tip on to people you know.

If you blow out a tire, and you make sudden corrections or jerk the wheel at a high speed, you could roll your car. So, it is highly recommended that you follow these steps, should it ever happen to you. Take your foot off the gas, so your car slows down on its own, naturally. Grip the wheel (especially a front rim could really jerk the wheel). Oh, and change your pants. Because blowing out a tire will most certainly scare the crap out of you. I would recommend you put a spare pair of pants in the trunk with your spare tire. You’re going to need them.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Blowing Out A Tire – Comedy Defensive Driving

Drive a Clean Machine – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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I love my fabulous state of Texas for many reasons! And here’s another reason to add to the list. Did you know that if your car is ten years or older, or has failed an emissions test, you may qualify for up to $3,500 towards replacing your vehicle or up to $600 to repair it? The Texas Commission on Environmental Quality (TCEQ) has created the Air Check Texas Drive a Clean Machine program. This program is designed to remove older, more polluting vehicles from Texas roadways in counties with high ground-level ozone. Ozone is necessary to maintain a normal life balance on earth. Its purpose is to protect the earth from the sun’s harmful rays when it is up high in the stratosphere where it belongs. But, when it is low, close to the ground, it mixes with smog and creates a hazardous environment for all living things. Apparently, ground-level ozone, as it is called, is formed when nitrogen oxides and volatile organic compounds such as car exhaust come in contact with each other in a heated environment, such as natural sunlight.

If you are interested in learning more about the Drive a Clean Machine program, there is a link you can access through the http://drivecleantexas.org website, or you can go directly to the TCEQ website at http://www.tceq.state.tx.us/airquality/mobilesource/vim/driveclean.html and check it out for yourself.

Emissions from cars and trucks are responsible for half of all the air pollution in some parts of Texas, according to the TCEQ. I have always been curious what one can do to report a smoking vehicle. There are several options. You can call 1-800-453-SMOG, go online and file your report, fax your complaint or you can mail your complaint to the TCEQ in Austin.

I have considered reporting a smoking vehicle in the past and then had second thoughts about it. What if that was my car being reported? It’s likely that the car is in ill repair because the owner simply cannot afford to get the thing fixed. And I wouldn’t want to kick someone while they’re already down. But now, with this fabulous program, they can get assistance to either get their car repaired or even get funds to help replace it with a newer, shiny, environmentally safe vehicle. Either way, this will likely get them not only on board with making our environment a cleaner, healthier one, but will also make them proud to be an environmentally conscious citizen of this amazing Lone Star State!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Drive a Clean Machine – Comedy Defensive Driving

Crazy Laws – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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Even if you’re not from Texas, you probably know that it is illegal to urinate on the Alamo, thanks to Ozzy Osbourne! Of course, that was over 32 years ago. I’m sure they make Depends for rockers too, don’t they? In April of this year, a 23 year old El Paso resident was sentenced to 18 months in the Texas State Prison and fined $4000.00 for doing the same. All states have their own crazy laws. And, while most of these laws are outdated and probably no longer enforced, they are still in the law books. Here are a few other crazy laws you will find in the Lone Star State, which was in the top 5 cities for traffic tickets in 2010.

You can’t do a u-turn in Richardson. I’m surprised that there aren’t more crazy laws in Richardson, Texas. They are at the top of the list for writing the most traffic tickets in the nation. Another silly Texas law, it’s illegal to have anything protruding from your bumper unless it is attached with a chain. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield but you must have wipers. And, I love this one. In Texarkana, it is illegal to own a dingo, wallaby or poison frog. Are there a lot of Aussies living in Texarkana?

More driver-related laws, nationwide, get even weirder. In Alabama it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. I hope Stevie Wonder’s not from Alabama. In California, it is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. And women may not drive in a house coat. So, it’s probably like a felony if a woman wearing a camoflauge house coat shoots a whale from her car. In Washington, a motorist with criminal intentions must stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. Now, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of being a criminal? Ratting on yourself?

And, this is not driving-related but I just needed to share. In New York, the penalty for jumping off of a building is death. Duh!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Crazy Laws – Comedy Defensive Driving

5 To Drive – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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In October, 2013, during National Teen Driver Week, the U.S. Department of Transportation’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) unveiled a new campaign that challenges parents to discuss five critical driving practices with their teen drivers. These five critical practices can have the greatest beneficial impact in the event of a crash. Which is, in my opinion, outstanding, since motor vehicle collisions are the number one killer of teens in America. Almost half of teens killed in crashes are the drivers, themselves. This campaign, 5 to drive, as well as additional good information can be found at distraction.gov (the official US government website for distracted driving). The list is designed to counteract poor driving decisions that have contributed to the high death rate among teen drivers.

The 5 To Drive campaign topics are:
1. No Cell phone use or texting while driving
2. No extra passengers
3. No speeding
4. No alcohol
5. No driving or riding without a seat belt

Most states already have the above restrictions for new drivers. In Texas, a new driver has restrictions for one full year after they receive their driver license. No talking or texting. Driving curfews. And only one non-member under 21 in the car with you when you are driving (i.e. they only want you to kill one friend at a time…not all of them at once). That’s a brilliant restriction since we would pack kids in our cars like sardines when I was a teen driver.

My chief complaint as a mother of a teenage driver is the options for driver training that are currently offered. When I was a teen, we had drivers education in high school. It was part of our curriculum. We had a simulator that looked like a bumper car with a little theatre screen on it. How appropriate, to learn how to drive in a bumper car. My father would also take us out on country roads in his truck and have us practice driving. So, in addition to our driver training in school, we got hands-on instruction from my dear old dad. And my dad was a drunk driver. So, I learned how to weave and drift across three lanes. He’d put his beer can on the center of the dashboard and say “Now, line that up with the edge of the road.” Then he’d climb over the seat and pass out. Now, most high schools don’t even offer driver education. Independent driving schools offer driver education at a high cost. Or, a teen can take an online driver education course for quite a bit less. And, in Texas, the Department of Public Safety (DPS) offers a Parent-Taught Driver Education course for the least expense. The cover letter in the packet is totally written by a mother, too. It’s already letting you have it as a parent. It says “This is a parent-taught driver education course. Not a child-teaches-child while the parent is in the other room watching television.” Most teens are now taught to drive by their mothers. When I ask these teens, they say it is because their father is too impatient. I ask mothers who have taught this course to their teens if they were in the room with them while they were doing the classroom instruction. Most say they were not. At least they’re honest. But that means that there are many teens out there driving around with a scant idea of what they are doing behind the wheel. It’s a chilling thought. The more parents are really involved with instilling important driving skills and habits and making sure that they are constantly reminding them and making them accountable for their driving actions, the better chance that their teen will not end up as a statistic.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

5 To Drive – Comedy Defensive Driving