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A Texas Defensive Driving Course that You Will Enjoy

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We know that when you take our Texas defensive driving course that you will be pleasantly surprised. Our courses have kept thousands of people laughing as they have their traffic ticket dismissed or their insurance reduced. Driver education has never been so much fun! You can take our online course that was written by comedy professionals. There is no reading and no writing required. All that you need to do is watch the video. Our course is approved by the Texas Education Agency. You also have the option of taking our course in the classroom. Features of our classroom edition include:

• Our classroom course is taught by professional comedians
• There are many locations where you can take the course in many cities throughout Texas
• You will need to bring a pen to class, and to take a test
• A picture ID or your driver’s license – Texas law states that you cannot take a defensive driving course without having the proper identification
• Bring your traffic citation or any paper work that you received from the court – This will prevent delays in delivering your certificate
• Arrange to arrive 15 minutes before class because State law does not allow instructors to admit anyone who is late
• Bring meal money – There are times during the course that you can eat or drink
Our Texas Defensive Driving Course is Accepted by all Courts in Texas
Our Texas defensive driving course is approved by the Texas Education Agency and is accepted by all courts in Texas to dismiss traffic tickets. Our course can also lower insurance rated by up to 10 percent. If you have any questions, please complete the form online and we will reply shortly.

Driver Responsibility Verification Program – TexasSure – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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The last time I got pulled over by Johnny Law (and that was his real name…no kidding), he scanned the registration sticker on my windshield. I suppose he did this to see if it was counterfeit. But he didn’t ask me for proof of liability insurance. I had heard that the police can pull that up on their computers now (in between checking their Facebook) so they don’t usually ask you for it. In other words, they know if you have current coverage or not. And, of course, I did. I may be a speeder, by I’m a responsible speeder. This automated database is a joint project of the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles, the Texas Department of Insurance and the Texas Department of Public Safety.

Most states have a similar program. Here in my state, TexasSure is designed to reduce the number of uninsured drivers and cut costs for those of us responsible Texans, who now pay almost $900 million a year to protect ourselves against those  irresponsible drivers without coverage. According to the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles, 15% to 20% of Texas drivers are uninsured.

You must have auto insurance in Texas…it’s the law. And if you get caught driving without minimum liability coverage to pay for injuries and damages that you cause, you are subject to fines and loss of license. TexasSure relies on a massive database containing the names of all insured drivers and their insurance companies, matched to their license plates and VIN’s. So, when a driver is involved in an accident or stopped by the law, they had better have current minimum liability insurance. If not, the fines are up to $350 on the first offense and up to $1,000 and possible suspension of your license on the second. Plus a state surcharge of $250 per year for three years. And, if you continue to break this law, you can be arrested. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t do well in jail. I don’t like peanut butter or bologna.

Until next week…drive safe, be responsible and drive TexasSure.

Daun Thompson

Comedienne/Writer/ Artist

TexasSure – Comedy Defensive Driving

Dashing Through The Snow – Winter Driving – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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I wonder if Santa texts while driving in his one horse open sleigh. You know…while he’s dashing through the snow, over hills he goes, laughing all the way. Why is he laughing, is he drunk? Or, perhaps he’s just jolly…a jolly drunk. Why else would he be off roading?
Driving too fast for the weather conditions plays a major role in fatal crashes each year. Especially during the winter months. Of course, speed is the single greatest contributing factor to serious crashes. And, if you’re on an icy or slippery road, doing 40 in a 60 may still be too fast for the slick road conditions in winter driving.

In addition to speed, other simple things that enhance safety are by wearing a seat belt and simply paying attention to the road. All-in-all, human error is the main contributor in 95% of all crashes (and all pregnancies). Some people think they are good multi-taskers and super skilled drivers. Maybe they’ve watched too many Steve McQueen movies. And, perhaps those same people also believe that all of the safety features in the car will save their lives. Which may be true, but perhaps not a quality life after years of therapy and rehabilitation from the accident.  Snowfall obviously makes for more dangerous road conditions. But it just makes sense that more people stay home on heavy blizzard days.  Or they drive more slowly if they are out in it.  That first day of a snowstorm tends to yield more crashes because people have been out of practice.  Crashes are 14% more likely to happen on the first snowy day of the season. Maybe that’s why Santa didn’t come this year. Or the year before that.  Or, perhaps he’s just gotten tired of the winter driving.

Until next week…keep it on the road.

Daun Thompson

Comedienne / Artist / Writer

Winter Driving – Comedy Defensive Driving

 

 

No More Training Wheels – Teen Drivers – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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Motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for U.S. teen drivers, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. According to my teenaged daughter, my cooking comes in at a close second. I am getting better, though I still burn Jello.

My bad cooking may be here to stay. But teen motor vehicle crashes are avoidable. There are proven policies to improve the safety of young drivers on the road. Factors that contribute to teen crashes and injuries include driver inexperience, driving with teen passengers, distractions, nighttime driving, not wearing seat belts and even drinking alcohol and driving. Just cutting out distractions, limiting night driving, monitoring passengers in the car and not calling or text messaging your teen while you know they are driving would help tremendously.

Among all age groups, teen drivers are at the greatest risk for accidents. Per mile driven, teen drivers are four times more likely than adult drivers to crash. Funny, it’s usually teens that make snide comments about older drivers. In fact, crash rates are highest during the first year of driving. And that crash risk goes up when teens drive with other teens in the car. In Texas, teens have restrictions on their license. One being that they cannot have more than one family member under the age of 21 in the car with them when they are driving. I suppose they just want you to kill one friend at a time, not all of them at once. Awesome idea, since we used to cram as many kids in the car as we could and just pack them in like sardines. This all plays into distracted driving, which is a huge contributing factor. That’s why, in some states like Texas, teen drivers also cannot talk on a cell phone or text while driving. There is also a curfew restriction for new drivers.

My teen just got her driver license a few months ago. So I have found many helpful websites that address teen driving tips. At teendriving.com you’ll find hundreds of safe driving and defensive driving tips from buying a car to driving in traffic, driving around school, and even tips on parallel parking. We used to call that parallel “chicken” when I was a teen.

Just keeping your teen drivers out of harm’s way isn’t the only issue here. The high cost of automobile insurance for a young driver is also an issue for most parents. Keeping a clean driving record will insure that your insurance premium doesn’t skyrocket. And who wants to spend a bunch of extra money on insurance when you have better things to spend your money on…like Jack Daniels.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Writer / Artist

Teen Drivers – Comedy Defensive Driving

 

Woo Woo For Safety – Railroad Crossings – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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I’ll never forget that one horrible thing that gave me nightmares when I was a teenager. It was that scary drivers education film showing the freight train hitting the motor vehicle. That image affected me for years. And, if I were classless and immature, I would tell you that because of that film I wet the bed for many years. Okay, I did…and you know how my parents broke me of it? They bought me an electric blanket.

Today, it’s a sad coincidence that I have been asked to write this week’s comedy defensive driving blog about railroad crossings when, just this week, there was a horrific railroad crossing accident in Midland, Texas. According to the Federal Railroad Administration, a train hits someone in America every 115 minutes. And nearly 2,000 Americans are killed and injured at railroad crossings each year. The train involved in the Midland tragedy was traveling at 62 mph and had 80 cars. It took more than a minute to come to a complete halt. An average freight train weighs twelve million pounds and can take as long as 1.5 miles to stop. So, once the engineer sees your car on the tracks, and applies the brakes, the train won’t likely be able to stop in time. The weight ratio of a train to a car is about 4,000 to one. This compares the weight ratio of a car to an aluminum can. In short, your Honda Accord could become a Honda Accordion because the train always wins.

Defensive Driving Classes - Railroads

Federal regulations require warning lights and sounds to activate at least 20 seconds before a train rolls through a railroad crossing. And the engineer is required to blow the train’s whistle (two long blasts followed by a short one) at least a quarter of a mile before reaching the crossing. This regulation is true, unless it is considered a “quiet zone” where it is prohibited to sound the horn (such as a residential area) unless there is an emergency.
The positive train control system being implemented nationwide should help to save lives by sending wireless messages that automatically slow or stop trains when they aren’t operated in accordance with signal systems or various other safety rules.

Since nearly two-thirds of all collisions occur during daylight hours, driver inattention must be the major cause. Usually, people are trying to beat the train or they get stuck on the railroad tracks during bumper to bumper traffic. If this were to happen to you, the best thing to do would be to get out of the car. You can always replace the car. But make sure you grab some of those favorite cd’s. They may be hard to replace. And run the direction the train is coming from, at a 45 degree angle away from the tracks (you may want to keep a protractor in your glove box for this). In rural areas, the issue is usually hitting a freight train in the side, at night. When it is dark outside, dark freight cars can blend in with the dark sky. So, you may not see it until it is too late. Again, paying attention does have it’s benefits.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Artist / Comedienne

Railroad Crossings – Comedy Defensive Driving

DWI – NO REFUSAL WEEKEND

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Most people believe that New Year’s Eve is likely the holiday where the most DWI arrests occur. Not true…that is just one evening. Most arrests actually occur at my family reunions. My Mother is the eldest of ten sisters. Every one of them, with the exception of my Mom are all mean, drinking bar-fighting women. And, each of them have a minimum of three daughters. Our family reunion is just one giant estrogen festival. This July will be what we are calling Estro-fest 2012. Because of the fighting, instead of a band, we hire a medic. I wish this all were made-up, but it’s all so true.
Most DWI arrests occur during long holiday weekends such as the 4th of July, Memorial Day and Labor Day. Most states issue what they call a “No Refusal Weekend.” Police then step up their efforts to get drunken drivers off the streets. Here, in Texas, by noon on Memorial Day, the city of Austin had made over 68 DWI arrests, including 20 Sunday night. Why? Because we do everything big in Texas, right?
During “No Refusal,” any driver pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving must submit to a breath test or get a court-ordered blood draw. In Texas, No Refusal Weekend continues through 5 a.m. Tuesday.
The point they are trying to get across is, if you are enjoying a few cold ones, stay away from the wheel.
I think most people don’t want to leave their car in a parking lot of a restaurant or club while they find an alternate ride home because it may be vandalized, stolen, broken into or towed. So they choose to drive it home and end up in jail. Even if you feel like you are okay to drive, the officer that pulls you over may not think so, and it is up to their discretion whether or not they think they need to take you in. In Texas, if a police officer thinks that you may be so tipsy or impaired, even if you blow under the legal limit, they will likely still take you to jail. If, under the circumstances, they did let you go (which would be the luckiest day of your entire life) and you killed someone or injured someone, that police officer and the police department they work for could be sued by the person(s) you injured or their family if you killed that person. So, for their own liability, they will likely take you to jail. Where you can hang out with real criminals. Not everyone sitting in jail is intentionally a bad person, sometimes it’s just someone that made a thoughtless mistake. A mistake which will lessen your quality of life. But, if you like to read, I hear they have lots of books and magazines. And, if you like bologna, then that’s the place for you. If you did have to go to jail in Texas, I hear Highland Park is the place you’d want to go. Their jail looks like it’s right out of Giverny, France. And I hear they cater in lunch from a little family owned restaurant across the street from SMU campus. It’s kind of like a bed and breakfast…only with stainless steel beds.
With another long weekend coming in July, follow these useful tips. If you decide to drink any alcohol, line up a designated driver. Or, there are several services you can likely call that will be your designated driver, such as a taxi or a wingman service.

Until next week…Don’t risk it. A DWI is financially and emotionally devastating. It’s a real set-back…

Daun Thompson

A SAFE CAR FOR TEEN DRIVERS

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Teen and Driver…now there are two words that scare the heck out of most people. And, when the two words are combined, that’s when it’s the scariest. My daughter turned 16 last October. She has had her provisional driver’s license since then, but I have been too “busy” to take her to the DPS to get her actual driver’s license. I must admit, I am worried about releasing her into the cruel, speeding, red light-blowing World.
But it is inevitable. She has made an appointment for her final test. It’s going to happen. And, when it does, until she gets her own car, should I hand over the keys to my car and hope it’s returned in one piece? I have owned that car for 8 years without a scratch. I park it in a garage and wash it regularly. It looks like I just drove it off the lot. Plus, there will be times where we both will need wheels. So I will have to invest in a car of her own. And that day will come soon. How will I decide which car to buy when she wants a sports car or a gas-guzzling SUV?  I want a car I know she’ll be safe in. A sports car is out of the question. It would be too tempting in a sports car to drive aggressively, not to mention the insurance rates.  An SUV is more difficult to handle and is more prone to rollover in an extreme situation. I can see that she already has difficulty driving my SUV.

Apparently the safest car for a new driver would be a midsized car with a four-cylinder engine, automatic transmission, ABS, and high crash test scores. The logic is that a midsized car is big enough to protect occupants in a crash, but small enough for a novice driver to easily handle. The four-cylinder engine limits acceleration capabilities of the car, and generally provides better fuel economy (and thus improves the car’s “carbon footprint”). My little hippie chick will be concerned about that aspect, for certain. And automatic transmissions are easier to drive. ABS also makes braking easier, especially for a novice driver. Oh, these teen drivers…

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration publication, “Buying a Safer Car” has a selection that meet the above criteria, as well as pricing issues. It was very helpful for me. And, here’s the great part, since their website has issues from previous model years available, it is helpful for comparing used cars (which is all I can afford right now). Plus, I truly believe that the first car should be a practice car. There will surely be some scratches and dings (hopefully minor ones).  My first car was like a boat…and when it went to the junk yard, crushed on all four sides, it was about the size of a Mini Cooper. The NHTSA selects vehicles that scored the maximum five stars for frontal collisions and front side impacts, and had at least four stars for rear side impact. All cars also scored at least four stars in the rollover evaluation. In viewing the recommended list, there is no doubt that none of these cars listed are vehicles my daughter wants to own. But I will remind her that she is getting a car and with that comes independence!

And a few more suggestions to add to your list when searching for that teen machine, AWD (all wheel drive), if available, is desirable to improve traction in poor weather conditions. Try to stay away from too many optional electronic gadgets in the car, as teens can be easily distracted and need to focus on the important task of …driving! … duh!

Until next week…keep your teen safe…and do your research when choosing their ride.

Daun Thompson

Your First Car

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Do you remember your first car? Sure you do! How could you forget her? It was either a good experience or a bad experience. But, for most of us, either way, it was a life altering experience. I remember my first car like it was yesterday. I also remember the car that I really wanted, because my oldest sister owned it. My sister Terry, who got her license in 1973, and was awarded a 1969 copper colored Mustang convertible with white leather bucket seats. It was one sweet car. Even as a girl, I was impressed with that car’s epic coolness. As it turned out, my sister was an alcoholic from an early age and she would get drunk and hit parked cars every weekend. My Dad would get up early on Sunday mornings and go around town paying off the damages so it wouldn’t go on his insurance.
So, when I turned 16, he opted for the “starter car.” You know, something that could take a “hit” or two. Something I would perhaps survive a wreck in and something that wouldn’t cost much to fix…oh, like it ever got fixed. She was a gold four-door Delta 88 Oldsmobile. One word can describe that car…HIDEOUS!  It was so rusted out around the skirt of the car from the winter salt on the roads that you needed a tetanus shot just to drive it. My dad paid a whopping $60.00 for it. The interior smelled like an old bum’s bum. And, of course, I nicknamed that car right away (girls always do), and called her “The Embarrassment.” I was so embarrassed to be seen driving the car, that I hardly ever drove it. Although, when I was finished with her, before she went to the junk yard, she was all smashed in on all four sides. She was more compact and easier to parallel park that way…like a Mini Cooper.
In hindsight, my dad was a brilliant man. If I would have gotten the car I really wanted, I probably wouldn’t be alive today to tell this story.  Here are a few other stories from other folks about their first car…

  • My first car was obtained from trading a hog. It was a Buick Skylark, 1960 something. The owner had a habit of spitting tobacco juice out the window, with a lot of it ending up on the inside roof of the car. The back seat had been taken out to haul…you guessed it…HOGS. It was a true embarrassment to drive.
  • 1969 Mustang. After about six months the brakes went, “completely” out. I had no brakes what so ever. This worked just fine for a while until I ran the car through the front window of our local general store. So there I was literally setting inside the guys store, in my car. When I got stopped I was setting even with the checkout counter. Jim, the store owner, looked down at me and asked, without expression, “what can I get you Mike”.
  • When we turned 16 years old, our shop teacher sold us his old Rambler for $30. Six of us put in $5.00 each and we had 6 keys made. We left the car at one kid’s house and all six of us would drive it.
  • A white ’95 Buick Skylark. I bought for $500. The horn didn’t  work. Eventually the reverse gear went out, so when I went to work, I had to park in the back parking lot because it was on a slight incline. I would put the car in neutral, stick my foot out the door and “Flintstone it” backwards. Good stuff.
  • 1969 VW Bug. When you wanted to be warm you’d have to turn on “The Heater”. The heat actually came off of the engine, so you always could get a little buzzed off of the fumes.
  • 1974 Ford Pinto hatchback… the exploding model. One good thing about it, nobody tailgated me! I once fit nine girls in it. I replaced EVERY part of that car (except the radiator) at least once. I owned it for eleven years. In college I would leave it on the street with the windows open and the keys in the ignition. No one even would steal it.
  • 1968 Toyota Corolla. It had several hundred thousand miles on it, blew the motor then traded it for a bag.
  • 1966 Chevy Chevelle Super Sport. Which would have been really cool had it not been the year 1991! This car had so much Bondo holding the body together that if I left it in the sun for too long I could go out and reshape the fenders after it melted.
  • ’79 Pinto. I bought it for $75. I sold it to a junkyard. They said they would give me $50 if It ran. It stalled on the way there and would not restart. Fortunately, I was nearly there and it was all downhill. I coasted it in, and the guy commented on how quiet it was and said “Well, at least we know the muffler must be good.”
  • 1958 pee-yellow Ford Anglia. Top speed: 45 mph. I bought it for $20. If you put the key in the ignition, it would set the dashboard on fire. My buddy showed me how if you put a beer in the glove box, it would start (there was some wire that would make contact with the frame & fire it up). I customized it by bolting a bottle opener to the outside of the driver’s door, so you could stick your arm out and crack a beer. Some cop saw that and he followed me home and made me tell my mom, who freaked. I sold the car to another buddy for $20.-
  • A BROWN 1978 Chevy Monza. I built/installed a 454 with a Supercharger. The Monza became known as the the “Flying Turd.”
  • 1980 Ford Escort. The horn worked by pushing the turn signal. The first time I turned on the heat a baby mouse came out the vent. When I popped open the hatchback it flew off. The hole in floor was covered by a speed limit sign.
  • 1966 Ambassador. I also rearranged the ambassador letters on the trunk to read “Bad Ass”
  • A faded red/rusted 1984 Plymouth Reliant Wagon. It wouldn’t haul ass… or get it.
  • A beautiful ’67 Mercury Cougar, my wife hated it so she sold it for $500 while I was in the Navy, I got even, I had her 1958 Pontiac Chieftan crushed.

Until next week…”Chin up…you’re not going to have to drive it forever ” (words spoken by my dad, Bobby Thompson, around June of 1976).

Daun Thompson

Tips For Criminals

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Although I am not a criminal, I must admit that sometimes I act like one. Perhaps it is just a habit, but if I see a police car, I inevitably lock ‘em up…even if I’m not speeding. Isn’t that crazy? It must be what they would call submission to authority (or at least that’s what Freud would have called it). Well, Freud and my boyfriend. He makes fun of me because I wave at police. He says that only someone like me would wave at a police officer because I am a total home slice. Maybe he’s right. I haven’t been pulled over by the authorities in quite some time. But, when I do (and I will), there are a few things that I will need to keep in mind.

Below is a list of things that are said to put an officer “at ease.”

  • Pull over to the right side of the road and find a safe place to stop. Do this immediately. Police get a little suspicious if you don’t pull over right away. You don’t want them to assume that you are attempting to conceal something and perhaps are just needing more time to stash it (like that inflatible H.O.V. doll you got on ebay).
  • Don’t get out of the car. Yes, maybe in that small town where you went to High School with the officer who is pulling you over, you may have gotten out and met him half-way, hoping that was a friendly gesture. Not anymore. Stay in the car.
  • Put your car in park. Leaving your car in gear gives them the impression that you might try to flee the scene. Tips for fleeing the scene will be in next week’s comedy blog (just kidding).
  • Roll down the windows so that the officer can see inside the vehicle. If they can see within your car, they may assume that you have nothing to hide. Just roll ‘em down…especially if they’re tinted windows…windows tinted so dark that you don’t want him to see how dark they are…they’ll give you a ticket for that as well. Cha-ching!
  • Shut off your car. Again, not to give them the impression that you may try to flee by leaving your car running.
  • Put your keys on the dashboard. Or, if you are a Felon, just throw the keys out the window. Where you’re going, you’re not going to need them anyway.
  • Sit Still. Keep your hands high on the wheel within plain sight. Hands open.
  • Do not reach for anything. (Especially a weapon). And, by all means, don’t ask the officer to hold your beer while you get your information out of the glove box.
  • Move like a sloth (…it’ll freak ‘em out).
  • Let the officer speak first. Whatever you do, don’t address the officer as “sir” until you get a really good look at him/her (Aha! Now you see why?). That’s the quickest way to get on a female police officer’s bad side.
  • And if they ask you “Do you know why I pulled you over?” (a classic question). Just say no. Don’t say “To remind me that I forgot to turn my radar detector on?”
  • If they ask you if you know how fast you’re going (another classic question) just say no. Don’t say “Not fast enough, apparently.” And, when they disclose what your actual speed is, for the love of God, don’t say “You should have seen how fast I was going about 10 miles back, ossifer.
  •  If they ask you is there a good reason why you are speeding? Just say no. Don’t say you’re trying to get to the liquor store before they close. Because that first case of beer didn’t really do the trick.”

Until next week…stay out of trouble.

Daun Thompson

TEXTING IS A TRIPLE THREAT

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Of all the distractions while driving, texting is numero uno. It happens to be the one that’s raising the greatest rage among safety researchers, industry critics, auto companies and federal and state regulators. Texting is taking lives, and that is provoking national outrage which is resulting in new laws and safety campaigns nationwide.
I remember when Oprah Winfrey went to the emotional heart of the issue with the launch of her “No Phone Zone” campaign in 2010. None of her employees at Harpo were allowed to text while driving and were given contracts to sign that would hold them to it.
True, there are a mulititude of distractions in the car. Eating (driving with your knees while eating a Big Mac). Changing a CD or radio station is very distracting. Men complain that women applying makeup in the car is exceptionally distracting (come on, it’s not always just women). On the other hand, women complain that men shave while driving. GPS, talking on the phone, swinging at your kids while driving are just a few more distractions in the car.
But texting while driving has a particular power to distract because it’s an activity that has visual, manual and cognitive components. A triple threat! It requires drivers to look at something other than the road, do something other than handle the wheel and think about something other than driving the car. In other words, texting involves three categories that involve major driver distraction.
Another thing to consider, you have 3 seconds to respond as a driver in an emergency.

When you text, your eyes are off the road by 10 times that. And texting’s primary danger is that it is a visual distraction. You can’t drive without looking at the road regardless of how high or low the cognitive demand is (unless you’re Stevie Wonder).
Safety regulators and researchers say texting while driving is more of a concern than other in-car distractions. Texting is widespread, particularly among young drivers who lack experience. Texting is also more distracting than many other driver activities.
According to CTIA, The Wireless Association, people sent or received 5.9 billion text messages every day in 2010. Many of them from behind the wheel of a car. About one-eighth of all drivers reported texting while driving, according to a study on driver distraction conducted by the Governors Highway Safety Association (GHSA).
Some states are reacting by making texting illegal. As of June, 34 states had enacted texting bans for all drivers. An additional 7 states prohibit texting by new drivers.And, in a survey by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS), the majority of drivers who admitted texting were between 18 and 29. That means the biggest offenders were also less experienced drivers. My teenage daughter can text and not even look at the phone while she’s doing it. We’ll be having a conversation at the dinner table and she’ll be looking me right in the eyes while she’s texting someone. Her phone is under the table. She calls it multitasking. I call it grounded. It’s just rude. I don’t text and drive. Not because I’m smart enough to, I’m just not coordinated enough to. I have tried it and I could totally take out famillies so I don’t do it.

Texting video!

Until next week…don’t text and drive…or you could find yourself with a phone in one hand and a ticket in the other

Daun Thompson