I haven’t gotten a ticket in many years (knock on wood). And, you certainly don’t want to “brag” about it, or the Karma Monkey will trip you up. When that happens, you get three tickets in a row. Like celebrity deaths. I know for me, it’s just a matter of time before I get a speeding ticket. Honestly, I speed like everyone else. I have to. Unfortunately, if you don’t speed, people will mow you down. I hear, in some states, if everyone is speeding and you’re not speeding (i.e. not keeping up with the flow of traffic), you get a ticket for impeding traffic. That’s not a bad idea. Although, the truth of the matter is, it’s likely that the people impeding traffic are doing 45mph in the left lane. And they’re weaving. When I was a kid, if you saw someone driving a little under the speed limit, weaving in and out of their own lane, they were likely drunk. Now, when you see someone driving like that, they’re usually on the cell phone. And, if they’re crying into the cell phone, they’re probably drunk, too.
What’s my secret, you ask? I mean why I haven’t gotten a ticket in many years? I simply pay attention. That’s it! No witchcraft, nor magic tricks. I just have both hands on the wheel, driving like a nervous chihuahua, looking out for cops. And, of course, I’m also looking out for signs. Especially the ones where speed limits change, work zones and construction zones begin and end and where legal b.a.c. levels (blood alcohol levels) are posted. I just took a trip to Illinois to visit my folks. I rented a car at the Midway airport and got on the double nickel. From there, I hit route 80, and when I left the ramp that fed onto the highway, there was no speed limit sign posted for over three miles. At that point, I was really driving like a little old lady. Hoping I wasn’t speeding and hoping I wouldn’t be pulled over by a trooper. The speed limit, by the way, is 55mph. Who does 55? If you were going any slower, you’d be in reverse. I did notice that there was a sign posted right off the ramp that said the legal b.a.c. level in Illinois is .08! They don’t care much if you’re speeding on the highways. But, they want you to know how drunk you can be while on those highways. If you’ve ever been to Illinois, you already know, there is nothing to see. There’s nothing but corn fields and liquor stores. And liquor made out of corn.
On your road trip this holiday season, look for the signs. They just may point to a wealthier and wiser 2012. Have a great couple of holidays and join us next week.