A young guy, by the name of Dan is moving in with his cougar who he met on Match.com. He plans a moving party of sorts and sends out E-vites to all the people he knows, with a long bed truck. He provides beer and pizza as an incentive to show up. Oh yeah, this is already starting out good, booze and manual labor, recipe for “Ouch that was my spleen!!!!”
Two out of ten invites show up for the free beer, Milwaukee’s Best. There was no mention of that in the Craig’s List ad Dan had to put out, because he doesn’t know that many people! Instead of tying down the mattress, Dan suggested to the drunker of his two new friends that they should just lay on the mattress to help weight it down….oh bad idea!!! The drunkard doesn’t lie on the mattress; he passes out on the mattress. The vehicle travels at 40 mph, then 45, then 50 when all of a sudden the DNA infested mattress goes flying out of the bed of the pick-up!! I think I hear a fat lady singing. Luckily the drunkard died instantly after his magic carpet ride ended abruptly. Thank God he didn’t feel the pain of his skull and flesh being ripped apart by the asphalt as it skidded down the road half the length of a football field, which oddly enough, is further than the St. Louis Rams could go. Now to some this might seem like cleaning out the gene pool, to others it’s a travesty of massive proportion because a mattress was ruined.
Be aware of flying debris and people coming out of trailers and open-bed pickup trucks. Drunken rednecks, frat boys and lawn care workers do not make cool hood ornaments, despite popular belief. Never stay behind a pickup truck loaded with furniture or you could wind up on the evening news.
By the way, have you ever seen just “one” shoe off to the side of the road? It’s always just one shoe! If you see a high-heeled shoe on the side of the road in Dallas, Texas, it probably belonged to a stripper by the stage name of “Cinderella” who got into a fight with her boyfriend and missed, if you see a shoe on the side of a lonely highway in Arizona, alien abduction. And by alien abduction, I mean illegal immigrants who needed a white guy to speak for them in case they got pulled over by the cops.
As a defensive driving instructor I hear stories about what my students have been hit by, ladders, PVC pipes, furniture, boats that come unhitched and dogs that are tied up and jump out of the truck and they don’t come unhitched, sorry PETA. We hear those unfortunate stories all the time. Take the time to secure your load; most states hold you liable if anything comes out of your vehicle or off your vehicle.
Join me again next week and until then…
Take care and be safe-
BE AWARE THERE IS A GENOCIDE GOING ON IN DALFUR, SUDAN! www.24hoursfordarfur.org