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Archive for March, 2009

The Road Blues

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I just got back from Houston last night.  The short drive during the day between Dallas/Fort Worth and Houston is not bad; you are there before you know it.  Yeah, that was on the way over there, I had to drive back to Fort Worth at 12:30 am.  The lonely highway of I-45, nothing but you and the road, not to mention Texas State Troopers, deer and drunk drivers in Houston, oh my!


The “all mighty, all knowing” Google Maps says the 295 mile trip from the south side of Houston to the north Tarrant County area should take four hours and 38 minutes.  OK, that’s not bad, but at night it seemed to take forever!  Along my journey of loud metal music and the euphoria of a five hour energy drink, I saw a few broken-down vehicles.


What would you do if you found yourself in that situation?  Do you have a cell phone or road side assistance?  If you have On-Star you don’t have to read this article, but for those of you who don’t, we have a few valuable tips for you.


First of all, if your car breaks down try to move over to the right as far as possible.  My girlfriend’s uncle got hit by an 18-wheeler while changing a flat tire when he was in the left hand shoulder. 


Exit the vehicle from the opposite side of traffic and get away from the car.  DO NOT STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OR TO THE SIDE OF THE CAR.  If you don’t have AAA or road side assistance, many states provide road side help, sometimes free of charge. 


If you do have to stay in your car, assuming you are in the right-hand shoulder, instead of having your flashers on have your left blinker on.  That way approaching traffic from behind thinks you’re about to get on the highway and they might move over for you so you don’t get hit.


Hopefully you will not find yourself in this predicament, but if you do, hopefully this will help.  Next week we will talk about being pulled over by the cops and what not to do.

Take Care-

Danny Keaton

Males vs. females, who is the better driver?

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The Battle of the Sexes: The famous tennis match between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs, the “not so friendly” on-going feud between Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump or any guy vs. any woman on the Dr. Phil Show, which is the superior gender? Now we take that question to the driving test, who’s the better driver, men or women, it’s estrogen vs. testosterone!

Category 1, Road Rage: A recent survey by Response Insurance, shows when it comes to aggressive responses to other drivers, men are more likely than women to do so (54% vs. 46%) OK, that is one point for Venus ♀

Category 2, Speeding: The National Highway Traffic Administration’s 2007 Traffic Safety Facts Report shows, males were almost twice as likely to be in a speeding-related traffic fatality. In 2007, speeding was a contributing factor in 31 percent of all fatal crashes. 88 percent of speeding-related fatalities occurred on roads that were not Interstate highways. Now that’s two for the ladies ♀♀

Category 3, Over-all fatal crashes: In 2006, the fatal crash involvement rate per 100,000 population was almost 3 times higher for male drivers than for females.
Males accounted for 71 percent of all traffic fatalities, 70 percent of all pedestrian fatalities. It’s no wonder insurance rates for females are lower.

Once again, the females prove to be the better driver, although my girlfriend would be the exception. Hopefully she will not read this. Next week we will give some advice on roadside assistance. Until then be safe on the road and courtesies to your fellow drivers.

Take care-
Danny Keaton

Welcome to the Main Event, The Old Driver vs. The Young Driver!

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OK, this one is going to raise some eyebrows, elderly drivers vs. teenage drivers, who’s the worst?  The little old lady who can barely look over the steering wheel wearing those giant sunglasses strong enough for a welder or the pimple face wearing his Hollister Dude gear texting his Betty without even having to look at the keys on the phone?  Which is more likely to slam into you?


Yes, there are some eighty and even ninety year olds who are good drivers and there are teenage drivers who don’t text message while driving; they probably had it taken away by their parents as punishment.  On average, which of the two do you think would be most likely to cause a ten car pile up on the freeway?


Let’s compare the two age groups in question: 16-20 and the 65+

According to the National Highway Traffic Administration in 2007, the driver involvement rates for fatal crashes per 100,000 of the population showed the 16-20 year age group as the second highest out of all the age groups with 21-24 being the highest.   Young drivers tend to take more chances and are less experienced behind the wheel.  The 65+ age group had the fewest fatalities; yes, with time comes wisdom, for some anyway.  So next time you see a Hummer full of high school cheerleaders or a Cadillac full of Bingo ladies, beware of the other drivers, you should drive as though you are the only sane one out there.


Let me know what you think and next week we will have round two:  the male driver vs. the female driver, who will win?


Take care-

Danny Keaton

Bad Weather…really, really bad weather

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Now that the inclement weather of spring is just around the corner, I thought I would give a couple of reminders about driving in bad weather.  The movie Twister may have glamorized storm chasing, but trust me there is nothing glamorous about being hurled like a Frisbee by an F-4 tornado, not to mention what that’ll do to your hair.


Reminder #1 – “If there’s water on the ground, don’t drown go around!”  Just a few inches of running water can cause a car to lift off the ground and now, Bon Voyage; you’ll be floating away! 


Reminder #2 – One of the biggest causes of accidents due to severe weather is hydroplaning.  Hydroplaning is caused by water getting in between the tire and the road.  The faster you go, the more you increase the chances of hydroplaning, so slow down when the roads are wet.


Reminder #3 – Check your windshield wipers, being prepared is ½ the battle.  Rain X works really well and no, I did not get paid for saying that.  Keep a poncho under your seat, (Not a small Hispanic guy, poncho, meaning raincoat.)


I wish you safe journeys on your roads ahead and where ever they make take you on the voyage of your life.  Next week we will discuss teen age drivers vs. elderly drivers.  Keep your e-mails coming in, I look forward to reading them.


Take care-

Danny Keaton

Flight of the Mattress

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This past week I was working at a comedy club in Wichita, Kansas.  The manager of the club was taking another comedian to the airport.  They were switching lanes on the freeway to pass an 18-wheeler, when all a sudden a fire extinguisher was coming at them like a bad 3-d movie.  The manager said she didn’t have time to react, this thing was coming.  Luckily the extinguisher didn’t explode and it grazed the side of her vehicle, not causing any other accidents, but it could have been a lot worse. 


One of the most dangerous vehicles on the roads with us today is open-bed trucks and open-drawn trailers; hauling furniture, construction equipment or mattresses.  And sometimes these mattresses have a drunk lying on the mattress trying to hold it down.  Now the drunk is taking a magic carpet ride and it doesn’t turn out good for our drunken friend.


Those kinds of accidents you see on movies such as Final Destination happen everyday in the United States.  Be aware of your surroundings.  If you see a mattress riding on top of a car and everybody in the car, including the driver has one arm out the window trying to hold down the mattress and the other hand holding a beer; something bad is about to happen.  If you see furniture tied down or not tied down in the back of a truck, look at the driver and ask yourself, “Do I trust this guy’s good judgment?”


I have even seen one shoe flying out of a car!  One shoe!  What tha hell is that all about?!  Be safe and be aware.  Until next week, be safe and the comments and suggestions coming in.


Take care-

Danny Keaton