Driving is a big part of our lives and what you drive is a compelling symbol of your personality and sometimes your economic status. Back in the day, families would get together for a Sunday drive. The kind of leisure you would see on those old colorful postcards, with mom and dad in the front seat of a ’56 Bel Air convertible, smiling at life and the conviction of prosperity. The children riding in the backseat looked like Dick and Jane in those “See Spot Run” books. Now days, that postcard would have mom at the wheel because daddy ran off with another woman. She is checking her Facebook while driving and bitching at her A.D.D. kids with body piercings who won’t stop fighting. Growing up I had two younger sisters, if the family went on a drive it frequently ended with one of us getting our ass beat…usually me. Driving in era of the “Leave it to Beaver” family was actually a recreational past time, now it’s a necessity for most of us. Your vehicle is an extension of you. For some, it’s the mobile office, mom’s taxi or the quick alternative for an unexpected urgency for a cheap motel room. The type of vehicle your drive can say that “you have arrived’ or it can say “somewhere in life, I took a wrong turn”. A superficial person will purchase a particular car to impress others while a practical person will make their decision based on living within one’s means. Even the color of your ride says a lot about you.
Red: is associated with energy, war, danger, strength, power, determination as well as passion, desire, and love.
Black: is associated with power, elegance, formality and mystery.
White: is associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, and virginity. It is considered to be the color of perfection.
Blue: is the color of the sky and sea. It is often associated with depth and stability. It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven.
Yellow: is the color of sunshine. It’s associated with joy, happiness, intellect, and energy.
Grey: is associated with moderation, timeless, practical and “middle of the road”
Rusted Brown: is associated with your low credit score.
All this can draw up a personality profile based on what you drive. My conclusion, if you have a safe reliable car that takes you from point A to point B, then you have made the right choice in your vehicle.
Join me again next week and keep sending in your e-mails. Until then…
A comedian named Daun Thompson told me that an ex-boyfriend use to tell her, she had a way of going off the road (an analogy of her going through life) but always managing to get back on track. What a profound comparison. She never told me if that was meant to be a compliment or he was just being an asshole. According to her, her ex was a boring guy who had no sense of adventure, a wallflower of sorts. He was a psychiatrist who, I suspect was trying to analyze his own girlfriend! Seriously guys, you will never be able to figure out your girlfriend, so don’t try to psychoanalyze something that is naturally more clever than your knuckle-dragging ass! Last time I tried to scrutinize my little woman, I found myself sleeping on the sofa watching reruns of Sanford and Son, drinking Jack Daniels and touching myself…during the commercials and I wasn’t looking at the TV.
His name was Howard, but her friends and family called him “How-weird” behind his back. Apparently this guy always stayed on the straight and narrow, never taking a chance or trying something new. On the other hand, Daun is a comedian, always taking a chance and choosing the road less traveled. She has a restless spirit that every artist holds in their heart. So I had to ask myself, am I a restless heart willing to dive into adventure or am I a “How-weird”, always wanting a safety net, not willing to go off the road that is mapped? I had an immediate answer, I am just like Daun. I’m not afraid to take that left hand turn at the crossroads. I thought of that old country song by Steve Wariner, “Life’s Highway”, part of the lyrics that say:
“On city streets, down country roads
Like a stream the people flow
There’s bread to win and tolls to pay
On life’s highway
There is hope with every turn
A bridge to build, a bridge to burn
Here’s hopin’ you never go astray
On life’s highway”
One part I disagree with is the part that says, “Here’s hopin’ you never go astray on life’s highway.” Don’t be afraid to go astray, if you believe in yourself you will find your way back on track. Even if you fail, sometimes just taking the chance has its own rewards.
Thanks for reading. I enjoy everybody’s feedback so keep sending in those e-mails. Join me again next week and until then…
I hope you had a great Valentine’s Day. I can’t believe it’s already the middle of February; this year is already going by too fast! I think I’m getting “time hypnosis”, it’s kind of like highway hypnosis, you know when you drive on a long distance road trip and you get caught up in the music, conversation or day dream and you’ve driven 1oo miles and you don’t remember it. I think time hypnosis is a very similar condition. My symptoms started in my mid-20’s. It seemed like the time between 25 and 30 was a blur. On my 30th birthday, I remember saying to myself, “what tha hell just happened?! Was that my late 20’s that just past me by??!! On man….I have and ex-wife and I have to pay child support!” The way to compare that to driving, is the time I drive to Albuquerque for some comedy shows at Laffs Comedy Club. Back then, I was doing the ten hour trip from Fort Worth to Albuquerque every 3 months, so I became very familiar with the map, plus it’s a desolate drive so it was easy to get highway hypnosis. You’re driving, driving… all a sudden, Wichita Falls, Amarillo, then New Mexico, then later that night you’re in a Motel 6 on Paso De Norte, with a stripper (because she thought it was cool that you’re a comedian), a bottle of Jagermeister and a chicken…wait a minute there was no chicken in Albuquerque, that was Tucson. Come to think of it, that’s not highway hypnosis, that’s called “black out”.
How can you prevent highway hypnosis? When you drive keep your eyes moving, don’t have a fixed stare like you’re a predator looking at a playground. I’m not saying you should constantly look around to where you’re not paying attention and you look like you just smoked “something”, just check your mirrors every eight to twelve seconds. Once every two hours, pull over and take a break. Just take a couple of minutes to walk around the car. There is a cure for highway hypnosis and that starts with common sense. As far as time hypnosis goes, take a break every once in awhile to appreciate your gift of life, kind of like taking a break on your road trip, see how everything is connected?
Keep sending your e-mails and comments, I always enjoy reading them even if they’re not nice. Join me again next week and until then…
Alright, Valentine’s Day is almost upon us.So you know what that means, guys!Open that wallet big and wide!Last year for Valentine’s Day I spent over $300, that was just for the roses, candy and dinner and did I get any at the end of the night???You’re damn right I did!
I know a lot of you guys will be putting your best foot forward on Sunday night, especially if you haven’t been dating your sweetheart that long.Taking your clothes to the cleaners, polishing your shoes…maybe even using deodorant, but have you thought about the cleanliness of your car?The condition of the interior of your vehicle can set the tone for the rest of the date, good or bad.Also not mentioning how your last relationship ended in violence is a good idea too.A few women have told me that they knew they made the right choice to go out with me when they got into my car for the first time.And a few said they wished they had never met me as they threw some sort of an appliance at me.Windex, Armor all, air fresheners to get rid of that fart smell will be your essential tools for your car’s make over.
I hope this Valentine’s Day is a special one for you and your sweetpuddings and if you don’t have a valentine, then realize how lucky you and your wallet/bank account really are. I hope I don’t sound bitter, because I’m not.I love my girlfriend and I’m excited about our first Valentine’s Day together.(Yeah and I’m writing this ‘casue I know she reads my blogs.)No really, I am excited Sunday night.She had to sit through the Super Bowl last Sunday, so the least I can do is take her out on a special night.
You are driving down the moonlit highway, listening to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, thinking of …whatever, when all of a sudden a squirrel runs across the road. What do you do? No one likes hitting an animal or I should say most people don’t like hitting an animal, especially with a closed fist. But if you jerk the wheel you could kill yourself or another driver. All this is happening in a matter of seconds or less. You don’t have time to consult the PETA manual. What do you do??!! Here’s the answer, YOU HIT IT! TAKE IT OUT! I’m not saying you speed up to get a better angle at it but if you have to, run it over. OK, I know some of you are in a rage right now, but it’s better to take out the animal than yourself or someone else. Human life is more important than animal life, well most human life anyway. I’m sure there are plenty of my ex-girlfriends who would disagree with that statement. Alright, now I’ve pissed off PETA, Hindus, Kathlyn, Kristen, Tiffany, Dana, Jennifer, Shannon, what’s her face, I can’t remember her name, etc., etc.
If you have time to stop the vehicle safely, sure go ahead, stop! But if the cat darts out in front of you, then it’s goodbye kitty! Now Garfield is writing me hate mail. Get ready Bambi, you’re next! If you see a deer run out in front of you, be careful, there are usually others following behind. The worst thing you can do in this situation is slam on the brakes head on. The nose of the vehicle will dip forward, all the animal’s weight is on top and guess what? Bambi is going right into your lap! The best you can do is let up off the gas and try to side swipe on the passenger’s corner. Yeah, I said passenger’s side, because you can always get a new passenger, but you can’t get a new you!
A study from Virginia Tech University shows that you are 23 times more likely to be in a car crash if you text and drive at the same time. The University of Utah psychologists have published a study showing that “motorists who talk on handheld or hands-free cellular phones are as impaired as drunken drivers.” Yeah, but you know what’s even more of a distraction, a Utah driver who has more than one wife, all nagging at the same time! Now, that’s a train wreck waiting to happen.
I don’t have anything against technology. I think it’s great that we can have the world wide web in the palm of our hand. We can get turn by turn directions to the nearest Starbucks, whether you are in Tucson or Tallahassee. You can show someone what you are talking about through video stream across the world, but mix all this while you are driving, just doesn’t make sense! I mean really, you are driving a two ton vehicle all while trying to text your “sugar plum” or talk to your friend, whose relationship drama rivals any Jerry Springer show and make your way through traffic at the same time?! There is enough to contend with out there on the road without having to add to it.
OK, now I’m going to date myself here, I can remember when the phone didn’t follow you around. If you left your house and you got a phone call…THEN YOU MISSED THE PHONE CALL! And we got by just fine. When the phone rang, you didn’t who it was, that’s why when you answered it, you said “hello” with a question mark behind it! And we got by just fine. If somebody asked you what’s the capital of Colorado and your dumb ass didn’t know, you had to grab an encyclopedia Britannica and look it up! And we got by just fine. Technology is great, I’m glad we’ve come along way, baby!
How ‘bout this, just try to curb your cell phone usage a little bit, over all it could make a difference. Join me again next week and keep sending me your comments. Until then…
So the Dallas Cowboy’s 2009 season came to an end this past Sunday against the Minnesota Vikings.On the way home to my apt. after the game I noticed more road rage than usual on the streets of Dallas.I also noticed most of the road rage drivers were wearing Dallas Cowboy’s apparel, is this just coincidence?I mean, could an actual football game or any game for that matter, actually affect the way you drive or how you react to the other driver’s actions?Running late and emotions are the main reasons why some people drive aggressively.So if you think about it, a passionate sports fan could easily find them selves reacting negatively towards another person’s driving.Mix that aggressive driving with some alcohol and now you have a deadly combination.So what’s the solution to all these road wars that is sweeping across the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex and I’m sure in your town as well?Time management is a start.Running late is the number one reason why people speed, duh!So this in turn could be perceived as aggressive driving to other people and could cause a chain reaction that leads to road rage and unfortunately, could cost other people their lives and all because someone was running late.And last but certainly not least, the Cowboy’s offensive line could do a better job at blocking and the offense could learn not to turn the ball over so much!!!If the Cowboys could just make it to the Super Bowl, Cowboy fans in Dallas wouldn’t be taking their frustrations out on the road!OK, maybe that’s being unreasonable.But it sure would be nice to have another Vince Lombardi trophy in Big D.
What ticks you off as a driver?What is your number one pet peeve that can set you off and cause you to run that jerk/asshole off the road?Send me your comments and maybe even your suggestions. Join me again next week and until then…
Wow, 2009 came and went like a speeder driving in the left lane at 90mph, advancing in and out of the months and seasons like a cabbie changing lanes on the way to the airport! Last year was a blur. I think my recollection of ’09 was the equivalent of highway hypnosis, how the hell did it get to be 2010 so quick?! What happen to 2009?! How did I wake up in a Motel 6 in New Mexico??!! Just kidding, I would remember something like that! Even though last year was full of life-changing events, like an 8 year relationship came to an end, I moved to Dallas, Christmas in Florida was a drunken purple haze (I think I was seeing purple elephants) and of course….I finally talked to my doctor about Viagra. Just kidding again…really I don’t need that…seriously, I was just joking.
In general, sometimes I forget to slow down and smell the roses, so to speak. It seems like if I slow down, I’ll get run over from the person behind me trying to get ahead, like a tailgating jackass! But sometimes I do like to take the scenic route, just to see something different. I mean, why not? I get bored easily and my A.D.D. won’t let me do the repetitive for too long. It also seems that with all the time I’ve spent on the road and the chapters of life that have come to pass like exits on a crazy freeway, it’s easy to find to the correlation between the two. With all this talk about life and driving, I guess Rascal Flatts was right when they sang “Life is a highway…” etc, etc. I hope you find your cruise control on your journey through life and on the highway. And don’t forget to use your blinkers to let others know where you are going. Join me again next week and until then…
Well it’s a new year, a new decade, and a whole new chapter in your life. What changes do you have planned for 2010? Are you going to travel more, make more money or maybe work on your relationship to make it better? Yeah, that’s if you are lucky enough to be in a relationship. But have you thought about your driving habits? What changes could you make in that arena? How about not texting while you are driving or not steering with your elbow because you are talking on your cell? I know some people that could use some anger management when it comes to controling their road rage or maybe they just need to up the milligrams on their xanax. I know my changes include not letting someone’s dumb ass driving habits ruin the rest of my day. Not cutting someone off because I’m going to teach them a lesson or run them off the road and they flip their car four times and explodes in a fire ball of death and destruction. Just kidding, I haven’t done that, but I sure as hell wish I had sometimes!
Change is good, especially when it comes to your bad driving habits. Drinking and driving, in-car distractions and speeding are the top reasons for motor vehicle collision fatalities. Other causes of fatal wrecks are nagging back seat drivers, driving under the speed limit and insects in your car that you are trying to swat while driving 80mph. The olnly non-professional advice I could give for making a change is repetitiveness. A wise alcoholic once told me, “If you do something more than 90 times, it becomes a habit.” I think he learned that in an A.A. rehab meeting, but it makes a lot of sense.
I hope this year is the best year so far for you and your family. Thank you for all your support, e-mails and comments. Join me again next week and until then…
When I started my stand-up comedy career, I was working the clubs in Dallas and Fort Worth. I would also drive to Houston and Austin on a weekly basis for the amateur nights at their local comedy clubs. All this driving and writing bits, finally paid off. Terri Stoor asked me to join her stand-up comedy troupe in New Orleans. I would do the eight hour drive one way, barely getting paid. But it didn’t matter I did it for the “love of the game!” Sleeping in my car, counting change for gas in Longview, Texas just so I could make it back home. Hanging out on the streets of the French Quarter during the day with my notebook and pen, full of ideas; comedy bits, dreams and sometimes bulls#!*. I would sit on the steps outside of Jackson Square watching the people walk by and write material on an empty stomach.
I was living life like it mattered, I did it for the “love of the game!” Most people would think that is stupid and no way to live, maybe they’re right, but I didn’t care. When I took what I just wrote in my dreamer’s notebook, delivered the material on stage into the microphone and people would laugh, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!!!!!
Now I travel all over the country doing comedy in clubs, casinos, resorts and corporate shows. Sometimes I miss those days of driving in my little GEO Metro, being held together on ambition and the “love of the game!”
Before you venture on your road trip, make sure you do the vehicle safety check.
1. Make sure your belts and hoses are in good shape.
2. Check your tire pressure and tread.
3. Have an emergency road side kit.
4. Have the phone number to a road side assistance service (sometimes it comes with your cell phone carrier or insurance).
5. Get plenty of rest the night before.
I hope you have a safe, happy, healthy and prosperous new year. Join me again next week and until then…